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By David D. Burns M.D.

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Extra resources for Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

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Free Help: Family and Friends Before you determine what help you may need to hire, figure out how much free help you can scrounge up. If you have capable parents, a mother-in-law, or a sister or aunt type available to help, you need to ask these people directly and clearly for commitments to being with you during parts of the first months. Get pledges of dates and times. Similarly, when friends proclaim that they will help, your answer can’t be, “That’s great! ” or better still, “Good. m. to 5:30.

To 5:30. See you then. ” Once you are into your third trimester, have a calendar that is dedicated to nothing but the assignment of helpers. Get commitments from people who plan to visit, whether for a half hour or half a month. Any time that people can give you during the first three months is valuable. But it needs to be scheduled. It makes a lot of sense to invite someone who knows her way around a baby to visit during those first weeks, so that the caring of the babies can be shared by you, your partner, and someone who can relieve you for a feeding, hold a sleeping baby, or if she is interested in applying for sainthood, take an overnight shift.

This is an item you should let the big spenders in your crowd—either your parents or a group of friends—go for, if they are so inclined. It is also nice to have new bottles, but new nipples are all you really need if you have bottles from friends or from an older child. Of all the equipment you will need, car seats and bottles are the only items you might not want to inherit from friends or family, but you can, if you are careful to see that they are in good shape. ” Most go on to insist that you need to swallow your pride and realize that you simply can’t do it alone… at least not for long.

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