By John Stoltenberg
During this sensible stick to as much as Refusing to be a guy, John Stoltenberg makes use of a mixture of case reviews, autobiography, checklists and dialogue issues, to talk on to males approximately how the social development of manhood operates in daily relationships and to teach how those related dynamics force the behaviour of gangs, race-hate teams, and foreign imperialism. Readers will locate right here new views on intimacy, gender, and violence and be driven to reassess their rules of manhood and gender identification usually. Stoltenberg's new advent units the ebook in educational context, summarising the sport conception of gender which underlies all his paintings.
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Extra resources for End of Manhood: Parables on Sex and Selfhood
But can I honestly live with myself if I go on acting split like that? ” “I broke a promise to her and she doesn’t know. So now I’ve got to tell her. I owe her that much at least. And I can’t stand being in a position where I’m lying to her. It makes me feel like I’m lying to myself, like I’m a complete phony and our relationship is a sham. It’s going to be difficult admitting I broke the promise I made—but not as difficult as it will be to sustain a lie. Ugh, I hate it when I mess up like this.
Over a period of many, many years, Tom met and talked to many many people who seemed to have this ineffable stuff—and every one of them told Tom they felt compared to someone else who had more of the stuff, and every one of them said they felt there was someone out there who had more than they themselves could ever possibly hope to have. Tom—who had now taken to wearing a trench coat— became a full-time dick. He pursued his questioning, and his quest, through many lands, through many generations, and always he got the same answer, in words more or less the same: “Someone else has more of this stuff than I do.
In the first example, the problem is viewed as one of practical, interpersonal justice—between two particular human selves—and the reaction is to restore the selfhood that has been slighted by making sure the wrong is righted. In the second example— where the self who has been aggrieved is then written out of history—the reaction might be characterized as a one-way, end-run gender defense. One’s manhood seems real when treating someone else as less real. One’s selfhood becomes real when honoring the reality of others.